My Story
Jan 2025
My body will seize up, weaving itself into fascial planes of protection, holding tight against invisible threats. One day I can't walk, the next month I can dance.
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I rarely share this because I don't want it to define me, a chronic condition without a neat label. But witnessing my body’s reactions during the recent L.A. fires opened insights I’m finally ready to share.
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This sensitivity was something I learned to armor myself against, being the smallest in a volatile household. I became a good soldier, mastering the fight response most women are trained to suppress. For years, I wore that like armor - big in expression, yet helpless inside. It would take a complete unraveling for me to actually find a different way.
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It began with a new state of being, a profound calm I found through a breathwork training, just before my daughter's surgery. But then came the avalanche: my father's death, COVID isolation, my mother's passing, and the end of my marriage - all within nine months.
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The ground beneath my feet collapsed completely, and buried wounds emerged. I tried to keep myself together for my daughter and for the sake of appearances but I entered the Dark Night of the Soul - a spiritual dismantling where everything I thought I knew was stripped away and even my will to live dissolved. It wasn't just disorienting, it was devastating and I went into a forced surrender, a climax of my life.
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In the stillness that followed, I learned how to tend to myself differently, step-by-step. A year long feminine-form Ayurveda program showed me how to follow my body's rhythms rather than fight them. Revelation Breathwork had already shown me glimpses of another way of being, teaching me how to release emotions trapped in tissue. Now, in this dismantling, this practice and others became my lifeline.
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I kept listening to the call and what emerged was a desire to live a different way - not protecting myself, but enjoying life’s richness.
Having lost nearly everything, I stopped trying to grasp the structures that were falling away and set out on an unconventional path - one where every part of me, even the parts others might judge or shame, could be discovered and welcomed.
My journey led me deeper - through Orgasmic Meditation and an intensive exploration of BDSM dynamics - each practice revealing new layers of embodied awareness, the subtle realm and the intricate dance between power, surrender and now…integration.
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What began as a personal healing journey evolved into something larger. I've always been an activist in the outer world. This journey has turned me into an interior activist, initiated through lived experiences and gaining insight through both beauty and pain.
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Watching Los Angeles cope with its own vulnerabilities, I recognize it's time to share what darkness illuminated within me.
I'll be sharing more, not as some guru with answers, but as a fellow traveler who's done some deep diving.
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I've been witnessing how these universal patterns play out in others lives. If any of this resonates with you, I'd love to hear your story. How do these experiences mirror yours? What parts of yourself are ready for integration?
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I am offering Orgasmic Meditation training (three, 50 minute sessions $75/session) 1-1 coaching ($75/session) as well as private breathwork sessions. Regardless of how you approach it, I know this: our wounds can become portals to profound understanding if we're brave enough to walk through them.
For those who have ever felt too much, too sensitive, too broken - this is an invitation. An invitation to listen to the whispers of your own body, to honor the wisdom that lives in your wounds, to understand that vulnerability is not weakness, but the most profound strength.
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Sharing and offering all of this with you is me, stepping into that bravery.
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